It’s hard to put into words what it feels like to say goodbye to a whole host of brothers and sisters that you know you will probably never see again. Like not EVER until our Faith becomes sight. It’s hard to wrestle with the reality of leaving such beautifully dear people in Jesus’ more than capable hands. …But in all that hope, there’s still a deep hurt.
It’s like that pinch of a shot. You know it’s good, but you’re still trying to convince your arm. And then you choke back the tears because you’re still trying to convince yourself that the burn of the vaccine is good for you. Surely this has to be good for you… You know it’s good for you, but your heart just needs convincing.
It’s really hard to love others so deeply. So purely. So sincerely. And then just let go. It feels wrong. Like abandonment. And you just go back “home” like you didn’t just see a glimpse of the foot of the throne room of Christ.
So much of you fights to want to put it in words. To just communicate what can’t possibly be constricted by vocabulary. They are not just friends. They are instant family.
Oh why do the nations have to be so far away?
Why does the horizon have to stretch so desperately far when it feels so close on a map? So close that you can just touch… right across that huge ocean.
Why can’t I just take my Jenna and Angela and Wilkins and Troy and Alice and Jay-and-Elise and Ms. Jessy and Daniel and Lara and Daniel#2 and Andrea and…
…And then in the quiet of a deserted campus,
the windows all dark,
the dog laying out on the lawn. Lara, tell the girls that the dog is still sitting outside near your quad. …He knows how I feel.
I walk by the fountain. A fountain with a globe in the middle. The lights are turned off. It’s all dark.
And I hear His words in my heart,
“they’re not yours.”
They’re not yours.
Forgive me if I walk home a little slow. I miss them like they were mine.
Such beautifully dear people.
So many conversations I wish I could just continue.
So many dark windows.
I’m leaving it in Jesus’ hands. His more than capable hands.
The nations need you desperately. They need Your Light.
A deep sigh comes over me.
Lord, thank You for Your people.
Hold them ever so close.
My arms are not as far-reaching.
My time has run dry of words.
– yielding my heart.