Today I packed up 11 months of little boys, uninstalled two carseats from our van load, and folded away the double stroller into storage. There’s still some work to be done tomorrow before our final goodbye after Big Guy returns from school, but it’s so weird to watch 11 months of adjustment, stress, tears, delights, triumphs in immunity advances, and investment be packed up as two little boys reunite with their family right in time for Christmas. Such mixed emotions from the adult world, but so proud of how far Mom has come. We’re working through the tenders of saying goodbye to our playmates whom have grown into our normal world. And while goodbye feels so quick, our hearts knew it was coming.
We let them go with prayers and full trust that the God who brought them here 11 months ago is more than capable of caring for them wherever they call “home”.
I guess it’s such an odd place to be to be relieved and thankful at the chance to minister beyond the walls of our home now that the kid to parent ratio no longer encumbers our every interaction. And the relief of not having to constantly balance twins, which, people, really drove me to a new level of myself in its more raw forms some days when it just felt like too much and I wanted a tag-in.
And yet I’ll miss the smiles. And the laughter. And the little quirks. I’ll be happy to say goodbye to some of the annoying habits, just like I’m thrilled when my own children grow out of them. And yet I know that while better, the boys’ lives will be quite challenging and that makes goodbye come with a little lump in my throat.
I’m nervous to see the things we worked so hard to teach and instill in them come unraveled as parenting styles, expectation and responsibility levels are changed. It’s odd because they were my boys once. And I want so badly for them to excel. I want so badly for them to be the delight of others as they were the delight of me. But I am grateful that Mom speaks of keeping up some kind of a relationship as their family reunites and heals.
There’s just so much in my adult brain.
So much to say goodbye to and “welcome back” to as both our families heal and regrow.
I’m just so thankful that God welcomes me to come and sit at His feet. I don’t need words. Or explanations. Or fixes. I can just come and render my heart to Him when I can’t find words. Once again, dear friends, He is more than enough. So much more than enough.
Jesus is more than enough, Big Guy and Little Man, we pray that truth will not come back void in your hearts.
Goodbye dear boys.
– Thankful, grateful and blessed, even in the hard.