Posted in Big Guy, fostering, Little Man, orphan care

Wet Concrete

We received word about the boys. We’re in full-blown reunification. This Saturday they will start Saturday visits for 4 hours at their home. The plan is to do that for 2 weeks, then bump it to 8 hour visits on Saturdays for two weeks, then over-night visits for 4 weeks and then they will move home for good.

There’s not a current court date set, so the time frame is a bit contingent upon that date. Hopefully that date can be set this week and then we will have a date “set in stone” for the boys’ return home, provided that the bottom doesn’t fall out on this case.

It’s a mixture of nerves and excitement here. “This is good for them”, “we tried to assume they wouldn’t stay”, and “we will all be fine” I have repeated in my head. And many times I even believe them. I think about how much calmer it has been around here with Big Guy at school and try to picture the beauty of that norm. I want that norm. But many times the uglier sides of this case refresh themselves in my mind. Who will these boys most likely become physically and mentally as a result of the family environment? And other statistics pop into my mind. I try to shake them, but sometimes they just hit my stomach.

I knew this would be a bit messy. Sin always is. And I can imagine it’s going to continue to get a bit messy as this family tries to mesh back together and forget that the good part of a year has been the byproduct of extreme brokenness. Their family needs to heal.

And so does ours.

I only briefly pictured them living here forever when others said it at the beginning of this case. But even that felt like playing dress-up. Wet concrete is so pliable.

And there are moments that a little hurt hits me as I put away the boys’ clothes or walk past their room.

Boys, I don’t know where you’re going to be. Or what you will become. And it’s hard to smile with you, sweet Big Guy, at your excitement of going home knowing what I know. And seeing the challenges before you. It’s hard to hold you, Little Man, as you struggle through the effects of visit knowing your life is just going to be hard. And we’re handing you over to that.

You were never ours to begin with.

But love still hurts.

We’ll just bring you to Jesus, on our knees… again and again.

He is more than enough in all of this.

Lord mold us.

We are moist and ready.

I trust the Potter’s Hand.


Have you ever thought that the all-sufficient Savior has promised those who walk in blind faith more than our minds can ever comprehend? That the only True Savior renews our minds, even when we feel most useless toward His Kingdom work? The Lord of all dares to touch our hearts, even as we stumble to find obedience. Oh how this soul wishes we Christians would embrace His Truth! And that the world would be different because of obedient hearts. Lord, change me. Lord, change us. All for Your glory. ---------- I am a Jesus-follower, a Homemaker, a Wife of the best man EVER, a Mom of 4 wonderful girls, a missionary in Africa, a Friend, an Encourager, a Seeker of integrity who is unsatisfied with a mediocre walk in Christ, and Blessed beyond any words that I could ever express. Thanks for being interested in my little slice of the world.

4 thoughts on “Wet Concrete

  1. I can only imagine how challenging this is for all of you!! A relief, a stress… So many thoughts and feelings even just from the little time I’ve had with them and what I’ve read from you. May the boys have the best life possible!! Hugs to all 7 of you!

  2. This is the hardest part. I wish I had some words to help it hurt less, but I don’t. I say feel the pain. Allow yourself to feel the loss. And give them to God. I lift mine up to Him in prayer everyday, and it has been almost a year since they went back to their mom’s. They need someone to intercede for them, and you can do that if nothing else. I hope things go smoothly, but I hope you have been educated to prepare for some behaviors that you haven’t seen for a long time or even new ones. Blessings to you.

    1. Thank you, Instant Mama. While I have been a foster care case worker myself and worked running group counseling in a Behavioral Health Clinic for preschoolers (6 and under) who have failed out of preschool/daycare centers due to extreme behaviors, I feel my greatest education yet is from my Lord and Savior to have compassion and prayer for these little ones. We have brainstormed some methods to help keep our girls innocent during all of this (and we have done that to the best of our ability since the beginning of this whole process) as visit length increases and they (especially Big Guy) hit the reality of the full realms of returning home. But we are trusting that the same Lord that drew us to this well to drink, will help us all to accept the bitter and the sweet of the water of orphan care. Thank you, again, for your kind heart and words of support.

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