We received word about the boys. We’re in full-blown reunification. This Saturday they will start Saturday visits for 4 hours at their home. The plan is to do that for 2 weeks, then bump it to 8 hour visits on Saturdays for two weeks, then over-night visits for 4 weeks and then they will move home for good.
There’s not a current court date set, so the time frame is a bit contingent upon that date. Hopefully that date can be set this week and then we will have a date “set in stone” for the boys’ return home, provided that the bottom doesn’t fall out on this case.
It’s a mixture of nerves and excitement here. “This is good for them”, “we tried to assume they wouldn’t stay”, and “we will all be fine” I have repeated in my head. And many times I even believe them. I think about how much calmer it has been around here with Big Guy at school and try to picture the beauty of that norm. I want that norm. But many times the uglier sides of this case refresh themselves in my mind. Who will these boys most likely become physically and mentally as a result of the family environment? And other statistics pop into my mind. I try to shake them, but sometimes they just hit my stomach.
I knew this would be a bit messy. Sin always is. And I can imagine it’s going to continue to get a bit messy as this family tries to mesh back together and forget that the good part of a year has been the byproduct of extreme brokenness. Their family needs to heal.
And so does ours.
I only briefly pictured them living here forever when others said it at the beginning of this case. But even that felt like playing dress-up. Wet concrete is so pliable.
And there are moments that a little hurt hits me as I put away the boys’ clothes or walk past their room.
Boys, I don’t know where you’re going to be. Or what you will become. And it’s hard to smile with you, sweet Big Guy, at your excitement of going home knowing what I know. And seeing the challenges before you. It’s hard to hold you, Little Man, as you struggle through the effects of visit knowing your life is just going to be hard. And we’re handing you over to that.
You were never ours to begin with.
But love still hurts.
We’ll just bring you to Jesus, on our knees… again and again.
He is more than enough in all of this.
Lord mold us.
We are moist and ready.
I trust the Potter’s Hand.