Well dear ones, I’m now in month five of pregnancy. I just poked into the month today. It’s kind of crazy to think about it. Ever since my friend, Lorraine, left my workplace I’ve had a lot of free time during lunch. Being one who likes to keep busy so the day moves quickly, I have found myself reading, checking email, sometimes napping (don’t worry, my boss is cool with this) and checking old friend’s blogs during my lunch break. And as I’ve read through a few friend’s recent life joys and gocked at these “little babies” which are now little girls and boys that I had in the nursery at Apex, I am dropped into a second reality. Man how time flies!
I feel like it was just yesterday when it was a sleepless 4am of “I can’t believe it” thoughts with a positive test. Walking in Meijer, for I don’t even remember what now, and passing baby clothes was a totally new world of thought. That new tumbling of shock, unknown, and inconfidence occasionally still grasps my hand as this little bump becomes more apparent.
I look at my niece. I remember holding her when she weighed just under 10 lbs at birth. Now that one and a half year old toddler that runs around talking and pointing at me when asked, “Where’s Aunt Monica,” floors me. Where’d the baby go? And yet all the while… she’s still such a baby.
I wonder if this is what my mom thinks when she looks at me.
I’ll technically be 1/2 way through this pregnancy in 2 weeks. Oh my goodness!
And while baby is only about palm size right now… that’s my baby! Palm size! Dude how it’s grown!
And soon we may have the opportunity to learn (come July 28th) if we’re having a boy or a girl. Man, that floors my mind. Suddenly baby will move from “the baby” to she or he. And then will have a name. And sometime soon, for the first time, I may get the chance to feel he or she move within me. How exciting.
Yet my excitement is mixed in satisfaction with where Matt and I are at right now. “Are you excited?” I’m often asked. “Can you wait?” Yes and yes. I am excited for how God is growing our little one. Day by day. Minute by minute the little one develops in ways that I can’t even understand. But I can wait. I can wait to find out baby’s gender. I can wait to become the Stauffer’s three. I can wait. Because I don’t want to get so caught up in ‘I can’t wait’s that I miss the now. I want to enjoy the sleep I am still able to get. I want to enjoy the date nights. The me and Matt moments of “let’s go for a walk” or “ice cream run.” I want to enjoy just sitting in a quiet house holding my cat against his will, or just petting him beside me and listening to the washer spin or the AC vents after a long day’s work. I don’t want to get so caught up in baby shopping (even mentally) that I lose what’s been given me today.
I know baby is going to be amazing. And with baby will come a whole new level of Matt and I. A whole new level of family. And baby will bring such joy and such unity and all these wonderful thrills.
But today I want to wait. I just want today. I want to enjoy doing a puzzle with a socially rejected child – piece by piece, supporting my husband when the youth aren’t listening- shushing by shushing, and even just eating this broccoli cheddar soup- spoonful by spoonful with my shoes off in my office. It’s like my wedding day… I don’t want to be so caught up in the execution of planning that I miss the memories.
I guess all these words are just to say… I am enjoying where God has me right now and I can wait for His timing.
I can happily wait.